Someone just randomly said – it’s all about going through the phase, it’s all about being through that tunnel, it’s all about feeling that experience! May be then I was a little naive in my childhood to understand how deep this meant and how it impacts everything around! Many times, we listen to experiences narrated maybe we even visualize the same or see the actual things in videos. But still there is a constant urge to experience it in person. Have you wondered why so? Because few things are to be felt! Everyone says falling in love is one the most beautiful thing one could ever feel, a father’s hug is safest. mother’s lap is most soothing pillow to fall asleep – but only when we experience it by our own self. Looking at this other way – many a times people do warn us of not to do few things – but it so happens that we only understand when we ourselves face the consequences. Not that we don’t trust them but that “urge”!! That urge to know what it feels like, that urge to go through all of it and note it to self, that urge to simply know yourself better while you are going through the process!
Many a times we spend time thinking of the things that happened either yesterday or may be somewhere in the past. And if not this we find ourselves thinking of what tomorrow, what after 2 years what after 5 years!!
Isn’t it weird that we spend the present thinking about the future or the past and the fact is – out of the both none is in our hands right now! What we have now is the present moment. Like maybe you plan of next 10 years but what if you change your city, you change your profession, what if the situation demands of a change which was not thought in your Plan A, B and C!
Not insisting that don’t plan! No, you should have an estimate, you should have a flowchart in your mind of what next! But don’t spend so much time in planning that you forget to live the present.
The day is yours make fullest of it. You need to know this – the day that you have planned has also planned something for you. You have only one day at a time. And remember no day is just a day – be it a lazy Sunday or be it motivated Monday – every day has 24 hours; every day has opportunities with it. You might get an opportunity tomorrow but the one missed today is missed forever. Be open to all of it. Some might be great some might not be that great.
Remember not every person who slept last night wake up today morning. Which simply means that today if you are able to see the morning sun rays, if you feeling the cool breeze, if you are hearing the birds chirp you also have something yet to be done. And so, you are gifted with a new set of 24 hours!
To complete the incomplete. Today is the first day of rest of your life. Yesterday was done and no matter what you cannot undo things which you did yesterday, Future is yet to come and therefore only what remains in your hand is today!
Be thankful for every day. Affirm to yourself every time “today is a gift given by God and I will make sure to live it to the best I can”
Dad always says this to me – Have the ability to see magic and enjoy in every small thing! He finds thrill and excitement in the most ordinary events and happenings be it as small as watering the plants or cleaning the veranda!
Thinking on this, I came to some beautiful thoughts which I am going to summarize here. In school times, we every one must have a memory of that one teacher who made even the boring subjects pretty interesting, we had a spark even after knowing the fact that particular teacher will be taking up the subject. Have you wondered why? It is simply because of the vibes a particular person creates. The enthusiasm that is radiated makes you be in their presence.
Never let yourself get dull. Let us make a habit to believe that we possess significant reserves of health, energy, endurance, goodness and so much more! Many people are paralyzed, not in their limbs but in their thoughts and for that we need to improvise our thought process. Affirm yourself that today is the day of opportunity.
Successful living may be measured by the extent of your enthusiastic participation in life. If you are mentally not satisfied of what you get never be satisfied regardless of the achievement – give in more, be more excited about new things, put yourself into it more! Satisfy your soul, rest all will be done rightly!
Summing up the summary!!
Do something everyday which makes your soul happy
Flush negativity out of your mind with enthusiasm and optimism
Take interest in smallest tasks deliberately till it becomes your natural way to live
Nowadays due to jobs, career, education or some or the other reason we have to distance from our families at quite an early age! And once we step of the house maximum is the case that you only return back on functions or occasions and with time that too vanishes!
Joint family is being like rarest scenarios in today’s era! Just tried why joint families are not preferred – simple reasons being – youngsters of our generation need freedom, privacy and hate being monitored!
But these are just a few points where we focus on and tend to forget the benefits or rather the perks of staying in a joint family! Perks are as many as you count. Highlighting a few – a mental support – COVID has tested our mental strength at its peak! And most of the nuclear families did choose going back to hometowns – why – simple reason – family makes you stronger, it makes you believe in yourself when you lose hopes! Family stands by you when your shadow too choses to leave your side!
Feeling of being responsible and answerable to our elders – even the feeling of your father/mother being back at home makes you a little more responsible to be with your family on weekends, to be there at home on time, to shut your system and spend quality time with the kids of family! Decisions taken by youth are hard and fast – many a times we lack patience and calmness in deciding for a situation which can be guided well by the elders as they have seen a little more of world and worldly things than us! We as youth tend to splurge on things which are scrapped within a month whereas the same luxuries can be availed from available things at home!
Children born in nuclear family where both parents have their corporate lifestyles – are either brought up in creche or somewhere where supervision lacks love and warmth every child deserves. Whereas grandparents back at home face loneliness in their retired life – when these two ends meet – they make a better life – kids enjoy their childhood under the shelter of family and are brought up with values. Though working parents try making their best possible way out to train their kids but ultimately time is their constraint which gradually makes one parent compromise their career – and easiest solution being joint family – where kids are constantly attended by some one or the other and grandparents are taken care of with their health as well as. The retired age being the time they just need love, affection and respect is also paid heed to.
And lastly though not of prime importance but yes it does matter – We do have upper hand on financial terms as well – Something described as economies of scale – Two different set ups for sure is costlier than a single set up for two families. Expenses being shared (as simple as rent being shared by two brothers surely saves huge cost then two brothers staying in different apartments in same city) and labour being divided joint family does make your off days a little lighter.
There can be unavoidable situations where we travel far from families but there must be something which does call you back to your origin – where your heart longs to celebrate smallest victory with your parents and share biggest failures and have strength to stand back more stronger!
Of course, there can be arguments that there is no individual space or there is no privacy but then like we as children have evolved many of the families do have parents who themselves take initiatives to make sure that their daughters and daughters-in-law peacefully work and build their careers! Many have set examples where girls have completed their education post marriage and give credits to the support received from their in-laws. So with modernization in all matters – let us just broaden our horizons of joint family concept – where parents are being a little more open to accept the work culture of their children (be it the son or daughter or even daughter-in-law for that matter) and children being a little tolerant to parents at times when they become to instructive, where parents are little more welcoming to include every person before deciding matters of family and children are matured enough to understand the thought process of parents’ decision
After all – everything is a two-way process – the more love and care you give the more affection and respect you receive. The more you tend to understand someone the more other person tends to explain reasons!
I would just conclude by – “No Family is perfect, every family argues, they fight, they cry but the essence of love and bond is felt when the tears are wiped with sensitivity and arguments are calmed with pure hugs, no family has only ups the real bonds are tested when there are downfalls, when your brother stands by you in storms and sisters cook on your smallest victory, where you celebrate your wife’s first job with home-cooked lunch specially made by the in-laws and the ice cream party with her first salary and your child’s first trophy is flaunted by his grandparents on their whatsapp friends’ group!
It’s the smallest happiness which turns to delicious evenings and loads of memories when family stays together! Joint families are no more the old-school types where daughters aren’t a part of discussions and daughters’-in-law aren’t allowed to step out of the house. Weekend evenings are fast turning to dining table conferences where women head the table and men cook food [though kitchen are made messy but then that’s okay ;)], where the small terrace gardens are cared with full family and kitchens are cleaned by kids. Yes – joint families are changing on a very positive note!
Ananya – love is a feeling, it’s something that your heart feels for someone you are very comfortable with. Can a flower un-bloom and go back to be a bud, can a tree go back to be a small sapling, can you be a baby again – NO, right? That was a process witnessed. Same is love, it’s a beautiful journey you travel. Sometimes things work and at times they don’t. Just because you couldn’t make up to the destination doesn’t of course mean that you scramble up the entire journey! Just because you couldn’t end up in togetherness doesn’t mean that the time spent with the him were shit scrap! Ananya, sometimes God takes a person away because he has some plans for you in life, may be because he has got a better destination for you!
With that puppy face of hers and tears pouring out as if she will be filling buckets out of it, she asked me – Aisha, then why does God even take us to the wrong journey when he already knows that the destination won’t be met? And again, the unknown source of philosophy on me had to explain her saying – “Ananya, when you have evening walks holding your dad’s hand and just walk, do love the walks or do you love coming back home!? And she as innocent as baby answered the question saying I love our talks on the way! I love the time we spend, the silent streets and its me who chirps and dad who listens to the non-stop FM radio of mine! She went on elaborating till the time she herself realized the point and simply said “But Aisha, the situation is different, whenever I walk along with another guy, I remember the past! I accept the journey was one of the most mesmerizing one but then I can’t get over it!
Now what was there which I had to explain her regarding this statement of hers! Of course, I couldn’t end the discussion abruptly but this was also a dark truth that I had no words which could help her out at the very moment and so I finally got up… let myself to the window where fresh air took me to better thought processing! And Ananya followed me! She scribbled her name on the window pane and looked to my eyes expecting an answer!
And there I start again… felt as if the cool breeze was flowing through my words – Ananya, I went on – Tell me one thing what happens when you are too happy all the time – Answering the question myself I said – Look you cant be succeeding all the time, you cant have all the happiness at a stretch, you can’t always find yourself in the best places – because if that happens so then what will the magic be in dreams. We dream of things which are difficult. We don’t dream of eating an ice cream or simply walking down the street, do we? No, because we know that those are simplest things and they happen as if they are the routine!
To make one-self strong you need to go through rejections, failures and fall through a few phases in life. The way you warn yourself to run slowly over bad roads! The way you warn yourself before touching hot glass of milk! Similarly, your heart also needs to go through some ups and down to understand what is right and what is wrong, to decipher what hurts and what heals, to feel love and fall in love! Ananya it is a process and you can’t skip it gal!! You need to make yourself strong from all of this and face it all like lady not like a childish girl! My words were making their way through her heart and wow the smile I could see through her tears was a million dollar one! Felt like it was all done! I know she wasn’t convinced with the thought forever but yeah, she did acknowledge that though you can’t unlove someone, but you can surely fall in love once again and still be happiest! And I was happy to gift myself a self-declared position of a philosopher!
Love is one of purest feeling you can ever experience. You may fall in love and bruise yourself, you may feel the love and hurt yourself, you may even find yourself the most messed up when things go wrong in love! All I can always say is – LOVE CAN’T EVER BE WRONG!! You may love the wrong person, you may fall for a person at a wrong time! But as long as your heart feels your right! Love can’t ever mislead you! Love and spread love!
It was a chilly winter midnight, where the only warmth around me was my childhood friend – Ananya- the non-stop chitter chatter. It was the fourth mug of coffee throwing up steams and refreshing the room with the aroma of coffee beans which acted more like a catalyst to our brains and helped us walk down the memory lane where we revisited our kindergarten small shoes and hanky pinned uniform to the high pony and short skirts in high school. The first ever class we bunked and did nothing other than smelling the camphor balls in the washroom, the first ever stage play where my chatter queen was just an idol! The first dance where we wanted to apply all the shades of eye colors, make our cheeks as red as that of a clown and flaunt off as if we were the only girls on planet Earth! We grew and so did our talk progress – till a point of time our cheeks only had a smile, a feeling of how beautiful school was and how amazing the teachers were then.
One more mug of coffee was down and we realized that the smiles made our cheeks pain, sitting on the kitchen top with all albums from school to college to graduation to post graduation and finally being placed the clock stroke 4:00 am and we still had to revisit the most of abnormal days of life! And suddenly Ananya had her fingers stop on a picture, she gazed at it and even the hot coffee mug that touched her baby soft skin could not get her out of the land that the picture took her to.
She just looked at me, her beautiful eyes expressed the emotions the picture took her through, the tears elegantly clinged her eyes as if a pearl was placed. The tear didn’t flow off and she simply uttered a question – Aisha, can we un-love someone? Can we unwind life? Can a series of good memories be simply deleted forever and ever? And she stopped, she didn’t have a single emotion on her face! The entire chirpy night was now taken to a silent closed room where even slightest breeze touching the window panes felt like a mini disaster, I could feel the coffee cold which was as if adding to the sad atmosphere. She looked at me with all questions as if they were screened in her eyes. I just quickly cleared of the other pictures to make a place to sit by her, held her baby soft pink which froze like ice, still clueless of what was I gonna explain her by getting into this philosophical pose. I just looked into her eyes and as if there was someone speaking from me – I shot a big lecture as if I was working on a research paper on the topic!
And Aisha had so much to explain about all this!!! Which will be seen in Part II very soon!!!!
You’re just an imitation of what is around you, its just that you don’t imitate one person; you take bits and pieces of hundred people and make yourself
I was small when my mum always had a concern of all the tiny heads which would flock in our house to play, laugh, complete homework and enjoy the best days of life. It wasn’t the mess we created in and around that dreaded her, it was the children coming home, their upbringing and their culture in which they were brought which was her concern! She was very keen on choosing the right people as friends and I always had a grudge as to its okay whosoever they are! I just play with them and will not be influenced with any of their habits! But then entering the house without a brief introduction of my friends was next to impossible!
Now when I started analysing things myself and knowing the psychology behind her worried eyes, I totally agree to her! You are known by the company you keep! Not because it’s a saying! But because your brain constantly snaps images of the attitudes – be it good or bad of all the people you surround with. These small snaps taken slowly and steadily start throwing impression on our personality! And to be checked out in practise – take an example if your boss is in a grumpy mood and you happen to be the target point as soon as you have taken your seat early morning. You are thrashed and abused in hard words in front of a few colleagues, later you take the same grumpy vibes to the cafeteria which is simply carried ahead to your kids waiting back home. So, you see, you gradually become the way you receive vibes! You read a positive quote and you are all filled with motivation. Atleast for the next few days you work with a new energy and focus!
So, it’s simple – I vibe, your vibe… WE VIBE. Be surrounded with positive people, the optimistic ones, those which send you a positive energy! Those who allow you to be a little better than your best version
Commitment – a high voltage word! Your partner asks you a commitment in your relationship, you boss asks you the same for your job, your team asks for it on the field and so on and so forth.
But have you wondered what of you fall short in what you actually commit – you lose… you simply lose your respect, your value your position; but then is it easy to commit!? No, not all rather! Had it been easy to commit why would the repercussions be so hard.
When you say you commit a thing – you mean that you are ready to devote your entire energy on that stuff! You mean that you will stand up 101sttime even if you fall a hundred times! So, there falls your answer – Why incredible things happen when you commit yourself to it! It happens because you dedicate the best phase of you to the task not just to complete it, but to complete it in a way which shocks your own self. You commit when you desire to watch things beyond perfection.
“Always be careful of where you run to. When the going gets tough, take it easy and slow down, else you venture into the den of lions.” Just wait and take time to observe what the nature has to tell you. Everything need not be perfectly as per your plan everytime but yeah you cannot blindly step into things without plan at any time!!! Before taking a giant leap just stop to notice that what and how the small steps taken will help you to stand out better and brighter. Take every step cautiously be it in terms of academics, social, personal or any other genre.
“Don’t ever step in the market unprepared and unplanned
Make it a point to give your best shot, with proper plan and preparations
You might be slow to reach your goal, but definitely you will stay there longer and stronger”