The Joint Family System

Nowadays due to jobs, career, education or some or the other reason we have to distance from our families at quite an early age! And once we step of the house maximum is the case that you only return back on functions or occasions and with time that too vanishes!

Joint family is being like rarest scenarios in today’s era! Just tried why joint families are not preferred – simple reasons being – youngsters of our generation need freedom, privacy and hate being monitored!

But these are just a few points where we focus on and tend to forget the benefits or rather the perks of staying in a joint family! Perks are as many as you count. Highlighting a few – a mental support – COVID has tested our mental strength at its peak! And most of the nuclear families did choose going back to hometowns – why – simple reason – family makes you stronger, it makes you believe in yourself when you lose hopes! Family stands by you when your shadow too choses to leave your side!

Feeling of being responsible and answerable to our elders – even the feeling of your father/mother being back at home makes you a little more responsible to be with your family on weekends, to be there at home on time, to shut your system and spend quality time with the kids of family! Decisions taken by youth are hard and fast – many a times we lack patience and calmness in deciding for a situation which can be guided well by the elders as they have seen a little more of world and worldly things than us! We as youth tend to splurge on things which are scrapped within a month whereas the same luxuries can be availed from available things at home!

Children born in nuclear family where both parents have their corporate lifestyles – are either brought up in creche or somewhere where supervision lacks love and warmth every child deserves. Whereas grandparents back at home face loneliness in their retired life – when these two ends meet – they make a better life – kids enjoy their childhood under the shelter of family and are brought up with values. Though working parents try making their best possible way out to train their kids but ultimately time is their constraint which gradually makes one parent compromise their career – and easiest solution being joint family – where kids are constantly attended by some one or the other and grandparents are taken care of with their health as well as. The retired age being the time they just need love, affection and respect is also paid heed to.

And lastly though not of prime importance but yes it does matter – We do have upper hand on financial terms as well – Something described as economies of scale – Two different set ups for sure is costlier than a single set up for two families. Expenses being shared (as simple as rent being shared by two brothers surely saves huge cost then two brothers staying in different apartments in same city) and labour being divided joint family does make your off days a little lighter.

There can be unavoidable situations where we travel far from families but there must be something which does call you back to your origin – where your heart longs to celebrate smallest victory with your parents and share biggest failures and have strength to stand back more stronger!

Of course, there can be arguments that there is no individual space or there is no privacy but then like we as children have evolved many of the families do have parents who themselves take initiatives to make sure that their daughters and daughters-in-law peacefully work and build their careers! Many have set examples where girls have completed their education post marriage and give credits to the support received from their in-laws. So with modernization in all matters – let us just broaden our horizons of joint family concept – where parents are being a little more open to accept the work culture of their children (be it the son or daughter or even daughter-in-law for that matter) and children being a little tolerant to parents at times when they become to instructive, where parents are little more welcoming to include every person before deciding matters of family and children are matured enough to understand the thought process of parents’ decision

After all – everything is a two-way process – the more love and care you give the more affection and respect you receive. The more you tend to understand someone the more other person tends to explain reasons!

I would just conclude by – “No Family is perfect, every family argues, they fight, they cry but the essence of love and bond is felt when the tears are wiped with sensitivity and arguments are calmed with pure hugs, no family has only ups the real bonds are tested when there are downfalls, when your brother stands by you in storms and sisters cook on your smallest victory, where you celebrate your wife’s first job with home-cooked lunch specially made by the in-laws and the ice cream party with her first salary and your child’s first trophy is flaunted by his grandparents on their whatsapp friends’ group!

It’s the smallest happiness which turns to delicious evenings and loads of memories when family stays together! Joint families are no more the old-school types where daughters aren’t a part of discussions and daughters’-in-law aren’t allowed to step out of the house. Weekend evenings are fast turning to dining table conferences where women head the table and men cook food [though kitchen are made messy but then that’s okay ;)], where the small terrace gardens are cared with full family and kitchens are cleaned by kids. Yes – joint families are changing on a very positive note!

#Smile and Spread Smiles

Dawn of Optimism

The Pandemic has spread its jaws tight in the second wave in India – attacking not only the physical health of the citizens but also affecting the mental fitness. 

Everyone out has lost someone either in the family or locality – which has just aired the fire of negativity. Deep inside all of us are craving for thoughts of affirmations, for positivity, for an ounce of hope towards better tomorrow! I couldn’t be luckier in choosing “Viktor Frankl’s” Man’s search for meaning randomly to get this little bit of “hope”

The author being a Nazi Concentration camp survivor has beautifully explained the psychological state of humans in every phases of life – through the ups and downs. Jotting down a few of them which actually threw light on the optimistic sight in me. (Hope it serves you right)

  • One instance which an author recalls in a talk where he was shown the pictures of prisoners laying like the haystacks in a room on their sick days – prisoners suffering from the typhus epidemic wearing old rags as clothes resting their wounds on torn shoes – some bleeding and others searching for piece of bread in their torn pockets – the person showing the pictures to the author tried having pity on the conditions in which they survived on which the author’s reaction was surprising when he said that these were the happiest times as we could rest, we could laze and not go out and work. So you see it is all about the perception – every thing can have two perspectives – you need to find the happier one, the positive one.
  • Another instance where he focuses on how the prisoners though in misery still had the humanity to think for the other one in the group.
  • Hope – was a huge thing that the prisoners of camp were motivated for survival of every day that passed. The times when they were taken from one camp to another rose their hopes to live a better life with lesser pain. The “hope” that one day they will be free helped them survive through the most brutal tortures. (every camp always had an option for prisoners to suicide by touching the electric wire but they still chose to live each day in dreams of freedom)
  • This is an extract from the book “I would like to mention a few similar surprises on how much we could endure: we were unable to clean our teeth, and yet, in spite of that and a severe vitamin deficiency, we had healthier gums than ever before. We had to wear the same shirts for half a year, until they had lost all appearance of being shirts. For days we were unable to wash, even partially, because of frozen water-pipes, and yet the sores and abrasions on hands which were dirty from work in the soil did not suppurate (that is, unless there was frostbite). Or for instance, a light sleeper, who used to be disturbed by the slightest noise in the next room, now found himself lying pressed against a comrade who snored loudly a few inches from his ear and yet slept quite soundly through the noise”

All I wanna point out through this blog is – The pandemic has 100s of negative effects but then it is we who are gonna pull ourselves out from this negativity. We can and have to stand up for our families, our friends, our colleagues!! It is gonna be tough each day to stand the scenes of people struggling for oxygen, relatives queing up to bury their near ones but then let us stand tougher against all this. Material help is provided to the country from every corner of the globe, but mental support has to be given by us – you need not have huge bank balance, all you need is a positive mind. If you only can pull your close circle from sinking into dark thoughts – you have done your part of the job! In no time the chain of smiles and hopes for healthier tomorrow will spread. 

We are comparatively in a better situation then the people who have survived the world wars, the concentration camps, the Vietnam War and our very own Indian freedom struggle. Back then it was physical torture which is beyond our imagination. Today all we have to do is simple things – wear a mask, avoid gatherings, stay home. We have Netflix, we have thousands of books online which are unread, we have our families with us unlike the wars where families were parted and all what people had was closed gas chambers to threaten them with their death.

Spread the word – stay home, stay safe and stay positive! Very soon there will be a new dawn of health and happiness!

Failures – Part and Parcel of life

You will fail, you will fall

But never forget to rise over this all

You will stumble, you will feel lost

But remaining there will have a huge cost

You can pull yourself from dust to stars

You are the one who can flaunt your scars

Everyone fails – some openly and some in secret

All you need to remind is – make yourself sweat

Sweat a little more in your dream’s desire

Burn yourself a little more in that burning fire

You will be through all of it!

Success isn’t just about achieving things rightly – but it is also about the journey you went through! You will always cherish those achievements which were more of a challenge rather than the ones which came placed in your plate! To the ones with huge dreams – hard work isn’t an issue – but sometimes all you need is a little push to grow better, to think healthy and to get up and press the restart button!

5 By 5 Rule

What is 5 by 5 rule??

Best thing I did in the lockdown….

How much does it matter to when others give their opinion to you, how much do you keep thinking when others say something to you…? Definitely a lot. This is what I feel we are growing into

The 5-minute argument with our colleagues, parents, friends, partner, or anyone for that matter disturbs us the whole day.

Whyyyyyy???

So, here’s the solution to it. Its natural human tendency to keep thinking when others opinion doesn’t match with ours. But its okay right. You aren’t here to please everyone. there will be a difference of opinion when you do something new.

So, what is the 5by5 rule, all of you must be thinking about it till now

It is simple but will surely be a difficult one to inculcate. the more you start using it will seem easy one then

Are the arguments that you have with someone matter you in the next 5 years, if no then it simply doesn’t deserve your 5-minute attention and energy that you waste today. Quit worrying about things.

Lemme explain it to you with an example, let’s go backwards and think about life, what do you remember in the past, I bet it would be the most significant events and not everything. so, taking another example we recently build a new house and every day the contractor would come with some new reasons to not show up to our place and somehow avoid completing the construction. There was nothing we could do about it. The more we discussed in the house the huger they seemed to us. So, we finally just stopped discussing about them. Coz was that going to matter to me in the next five years, was it even worth wasting our energy onto it. That’s how easy it was. It really astonishes me how little a problem becomes when you start thinking with a perspective of the future

Of course, there are big things and tragedies that we can’t forget in a span of 5 minutes, but this rule is for the little things we stress upon almost every other day.

Definitely many of you might think I’m too small to speak up to all these things but why not learn these things at a tender age so that people don’t need to use the terms like depression, loneliness, anxiety much often.

I hope I impact lives of at least 5 and not many. And the rule stays with you forever, I’m sure it will work magical for you too.

You can check out the same in Video!!!

Readers Attention

They say a reader can live thousand lives before he dies! They reading gives you unending happiness! People say what exercise is to body – reading is to mind! And the never ending list of why and how reading helps one to just be better version of self!

So here we are starting this drive to read and read and read!

It is like we challenge ourselves to read 2 books a month. You can do it silently and take a note of your own reading or you can use social media to inspire people around to read by telling about the good books you have read.

Tag your friends or join the whatsapp group made where readers across the city, state, country and may be even globe share the experiences they had while reading the books they have picked.

Feel free to mail for further details on letsendthestigma1@gmail.com

Rat Race

Man eats Man! Does he? Maybe YES! The way the markets compete so competitively it does. You don’t do a task up to the mark and gone, you are no more in the good books of your company. Your promotion sometimes gets a pause due to your own deficiency and at times due to fault in our stars (Just meant you’re not so good luck). Let’s just jot down what are the reasons to stress at your workplace:

1. Different views on the same issue: Might so happen that in a team there are varied solutions on the same issue and your view is that your proposal is the best and there arises conflicts! Can we deal with it in a decent manner – Of course Yes. Let it be mutual decision, let it include the best points of all the ideas so that everyone is included

2. No credits given – Often it happens, that the project you worked on, the success you burnt the midnight oil for is all gone to someone else. And this is an obvious reason to feel lost because it so happens that when you work your heart out for some project you get attached to it, it is like your own baby which you started from the scratch and taken to heights. Though the solutions to this are better while reading but implementation happens to be difficult, we can try resolving things always – you can sit and explain things to your seniors

3. Early promotions of juniors – Okay, this is more of a human behaviour that you naturally have a feeling of superiority when you have been engaged for a longer time with an institute. Just sit back and think calmly – were you really up to the mark, I would like to highlight and say compare your productivity with what you feel you can do and not with someone else. Maybe you were expected to give better results because you had the potential.

Well, you know the problems are just never ending, it is like the more I jot down the more the list increases. You know your own problems much better than anyone else sitting back and just doing the guess work for you. All I wanna just suggest is – you can try this method of resolving your issues – take a place in the corner of your room, or just sit back on the terrace with a pen and blank paper. Divide the paper in 2 halves roughly and write down what you can do and mark yourself out of 10. Like just a self-evaluation of whether you really are giving your 100%

Try this one and I am sure you will have a better picture of what you can do and where you are lagging! You can use that pen-paper technique in many things – just change your headings and use it!!

Do write back about is this helping you in the comments section or ping me or just drop mail on letsendthestigma1@gmail.com. I would be glad to hear from you.

Explore Life – don’t have stereotypes

Before reading this one – I just want all of you to close your eyes and just imagine what is your definition of having a perfect life! Ah! I really want you to do that (in fact if you could spare a little extra time just get a pen and paper and roughly jot down what are your few to ideas of your kind off perfect life, a perfect day etc)

How many of you thought of it like – a lavish house, a car, good job and stuff like so. If you must have done this – Congrats! You are very much normal – because that’s the way we have brought up our mind to think! But then this is routine right!? Can we think apart from this – let us try!

Can the definition of PERFECT – not be the labels from the past and be something new and original! Something like – Happy you, sitting back in your garden, enjoying the morning sunlight and treating your eyes with the glimpses of butterflies playing with brightly coloured flowers! Or something like this – which is more soothing to your heart and not only to your pockets. I know many of you must be like – this just sounds good in books but real life needs materialistic things, and I totally agree as well! But all I wanna say is – can those worldly desires be side lined and the other goals which don’t sound to be that conventional be mainstream!

Like why have we just accepted the western culture in terms of their dressings and parties! Why not the other things – Here we have defined age for everything education till 22-24, then marry by 25, then kids before 30s (or else there are unimaginable questions raised) and house, then educate kids(till that time we are already reaching heights of exertion – mentally and physically), then their life is our life (daadi-dada and Naani Nana)! Western Countries do not have a defined age for education – they have enrolments in universities even in their 30s and 40s. They start new ventures even in their late 40s.

Can we just explore our limits of what we can do and all our capabilities! Try it out – take up a weekly challenge that you think of something new every week – the same old thing which you did in a specific manner from years – try doing it differently. You will be happy of creating new things – be it as small as just arranging your study table or normally you cut vegetables long now dice it in small cubes – do things differently. (even psychology, says that this keeps your brain active)

Try out new things and do write back about it in the comments section or just drop mail onletsendthestigma1@gmail.com. I would be glad to hear from you.

Don’t be careful!

Reading the title, you guys must be like – Esha, are you fine! What are you talking about – DON’T BE CAREFUL! I really repeat don’t be too careful, don’t try to be too perfect at every task you take up. Planning every phase is okay but not hard-core plans where even an inch of unexpected blasts and Boom!! You get shattered – like oh god! What next! Let there be some innocence left, let there be surprises which life plans for you! If you are too organized those surprises come more like shocks because that wasn’t that you had planned in black and blue.

Prepare well for every upcoming challenge but it is really fine if situations turn your efforts down, maybe there was something better for you. It’s your life not a coded machine where the sequence can be drafted by you. Let things happen. It will be more magical and life will have spice in it!

Do write back about is this helping you in the comments section or just drop mail on letsendthestigma1@gmail.com. I would be glad to hear from you.

Relationships!!

Relationships! Can be friendships, love affairs or just any sort of emotional attachment which once seemed the most prefect thing for you and is now not! And you feel like a failure, it feels like we just wasted our time, energy, resources behind something which never meant to be forever and that creates issues where we find ourselves under sort of liability like “Oh my God, what has happened to my life”

Why do we have these failures – on deep thought it is because we have made our relationships too easy to go and fragile, we have started finding options much easily than before. We aren’t strong enough to work on our own flaws and prefer walking out of situations which genuinely need time and efforts to be sorted when things get cringey. Just received a message “Hey Esha, I don’t want to continue with my girl anymore because I doubt, she doesn’t have the same spark for me!…….” Brother, come on, how can you just walk out over a doubt. Have a decency to talk and sort then to just keep running off the situations. If you keep a habit to talk over your problems, you will for sure realize that half of the issues are created by our own assumptions and misunderstandings.

Going to the other extremes – When you both have decided to end a relationship, many a times it so happens that while taking the decision both are just so very particular and sound sorted like “It is fine, things did not work and so we have parted off our ways” I wonder what happens the minute you see your best friend or someone close to you, people start back bitching about the same person who was once their sunshine according to the Instagram captions! Don’t you think that when you talk ill about someone you develop negativity in you, you look more towards the darker side than the brighter side. No one has special relationships without being felt special, may be things haven’t been the same as you thought, so it is just okay to walk apart. Every person walking in your life teaches you something good which moulds you to better human than before, you can be thankful to that and go ahead. And yet another point I would like to highlight – As a third person as well – never comment on anyone’s personal life, have your opinions but don’t try brainwashing someone else to prove that what you feel is right.

Guys it is really okay to leave a bond how so ever long but don’t forget the maturity, don’t forget that though things are not fine now, there was a time when you were your best together – you laughed, you hanged out, you rejoiced your success, you cried your failures together. Just because now you can not work it out doesn’t mean all of it was fake. Be sensitive to your own emotions that you shared your best times with the opposite person somewhere in the past!

Down the line, it will be awkward when you see the person happy and you are not – Accept it that you are taking time to come out and the other one has pulled oneself out taking efforts on his own self. Just because he is happy doesn’t mean he cheated. In fact, take it as an inspiration that if he can, even you can come out – I highlight – I said inspiration and not revenge – He is fine I can also show I am fine and go out to parties even when you yourself deep down know that you aren’t what you are showing. Let there really be no show off – No yaar, not at least to your own self. When you stand across the mirror you must feel your smile is real and not the fake one!

Guys, you need not google out – how to come over a relationship failure. It is all within – you yourself know what works best for you, you know how you have got to train your brain to think rightly in your favor for your betterment. It is really fine to take time to heal but not okay to sit at one place doing nothing for yourself and expecting some one else comes for your rescue. Be your own pathfinder!

Do write back about is this helping you in comments section or ping me or just drop mail on letsendthestigma1@gmail.com. I would be glad to hear from you.

boy and girl sitting on bench toy
Photo by JN Channel on Pexels.com

 

Why Stress!?

Back Again here! Did the ones who read the previous blog thought over the topic – “Why do we stress up?” When I started writing I thought let it be the random thoughts of my brain, but as I started writing it happened to be a blend of some studied facts of psychology and self-thinking.

We stress up when the world of our illusions do not match the reality. So, is dreaming wrong? No, it isn’t, but yes dreaming of unrealistic goals is wrong. Second reason why stress hovers us so easily is – we prefer keeping those things private which should actually be spoken off and show off those things which basically should be private! We prefer speaking on the unnecessary huge expense done on weekend parties and the overpriced outfit you bought to just flaunt off in one party! (if I have to say it in Hindi – it would be something like – Bhai – tera dress, teri party, duniya ko dikhakar kya milega!) But we feel reluctant, we feel embarrassed to tell someone that “I had a sleepless night or something like, yes this is taking a toll on your peace”. Okay, again here – share your success stories, motivate others to do better don’t show off just to make someone be jealous of you or make the other feel inferior (atleast not intentionally)

Other reasons and much common – all googled ones rather – Relationship failure (one of the biggest cause for huge mental stress at all levels of age), Professional competition and hand in hand steps in the financial crunches and related issues (mostly seen in working age groups and even a little in teens), Social acceptance or social standing(very common in age group of 13-24), Others happen to be like – Loss of near ones, comparisons in peers, Peer pressure, Over thinking and over analysing things and situations etc.

Each of the topic will be dealt in details in upcoming blogs with simple solutions to all problems out of which most of them are our own creations!

So what will you do today – may be while you are just sitting in the evening with you cup of tea – try talking to your family, if alone try talking to yourself do you undergo any of the above things which makes you feel uncomfortable or makes you feel that you cannot work with full potential and something is disturbing you back of the mind. Write about it or speak about it to your closed ones (and if no one hears you – use the social platforms – but express yourself. You can reply back here in the comments or simply mail on – letsendthestigma1@gmail.com)

We will be dealing with “Biggest stress factor tomorrow – RELATIONSHIP FAILURE”. Hope that this is making a difference to you – even a single person feels motivated to share his story reading this, it would be biggest change I could create on my end!

Let’s make life better – Share it to all those whom you love dearly!