Someone just randomly said – it’s all about going through the phase, it’s all about being through that tunnel, it’s all about feeling that experience! May be then I was a little naive in my childhood to understand how deep this meant and how it impacts everything around! Many times, we listen to experiences narrated maybe we even visualize the same or see the actual things in videos. But still there is a constant urge to experience it in person. Have you wondered why so? Because few things are to be felt! Everyone says falling in love is one the most beautiful thing one could ever feel, a father’s hug is safest. mother’s lap is most soothing pillow to fall asleep – but only when we experience it by our own self. Looking at this other way – many a times people do warn us of not to do few things – but it so happens that we only understand when we ourselves face the consequences. Not that we don’t trust them but that “urge”!! That urge to know what it feels like, that urge to go through all of it and note it to self, that urge to simply know yourself better while you are going through the process!
Relationships are like seeds – you need to nurture them. The more you care the healthier it grows but if you ignore or over expect it starts shivering from the roots and finally breaks own.
Let me tell you one observation – In case you are very happy (you are feeling very happy) there are high chances that the relationships which matter the most to you are working well. And the exact opposite falls when you are sad it is probably because the relationships you value a lot are not working well.
Everyone of must has deposited money in bank, right? Why can we withdraw money from bank – because we have deposited the money before. Similarly, you can expect back only when you have deposited into it!
This is normal human tendency that every person expects back from any bond that he is attached to. But can we make it simple – deposit so much that you never feel that your withdrawals will be excessive.
Few people are like the fresh flowers – they come, bloom, spread fragrance, dry off and leave. But some are like those cactuses and thorns which stay back no matter what, which stay back irrespective of the weather, irrespective of the time and situations. They just stay back. Keep those cactuses in your life forever. A life with these cactuses is more blessed than a day with fragrant rose.
Relationships require efforts – they require thoughtfulness, they require patience, understanding – most importantly they require time. You can not simply expect someone to climb the Everest in their first attempt to trek, you need constant practise. Same is the case with our human attachments – with time grows the bond.
Summing it up – I would just say – Keep your cactus safe! I am sure everyone has at least one such person in life – express it to them how special they are. Be for them whenever they are in need!
Many a times we spend time thinking of the things that happened either yesterday or may be somewhere in the past. And if not this we find ourselves thinking of what tomorrow, what after 2 years what after 5 years!!
Isn’t it weird that we spend the present thinking about the future or the past and the fact is – out of the both none is in our hands right now! What we have now is the present moment. Like maybe you plan of next 10 years but what if you change your city, you change your profession, what if the situation demands of a change which was not thought in your Plan A, B and C!
Not insisting that don’t plan! No, you should have an estimate, you should have a flowchart in your mind of what next! But don’t spend so much time in planning that you forget to live the present.
The day is yours make fullest of it. You need to know this – the day that you have planned has also planned something for you. You have only one day at a time. And remember no day is just a day – be it a lazy Sunday or be it motivated Monday – every day has 24 hours; every day has opportunities with it. You might get an opportunity tomorrow but the one missed today is missed forever. Be open to all of it. Some might be great some might not be that great.
Remember not every person who slept last night wake up today morning. Which simply means that today if you are able to see the morning sun rays, if you feeling the cool breeze, if you are hearing the birds chirp you also have something yet to be done. And so, you are gifted with a new set of 24 hours!
To complete the incomplete. Today is the first day of rest of your life. Yesterday was done and no matter what you cannot undo things which you did yesterday, Future is yet to come and therefore only what remains in your hand is today!
Be thankful for every day. Affirm to yourself every time “today is a gift given by God and I will make sure to live it to the best I can”
Was just scrolling down through Insta feed and read this line “You against you” – thoughtful at first glance and it really did take me to world of thinking, analysing and understanding.
You write your own story.
Don’t give yourself an opportunity to rationalize with the voice that shouts out to quit. To the dreamers out there, don’t ever let the world’s negativity get into to you. Surround yourself with happy and positive people, nothing can be impossible.
Recalling one incidence that I had heard in one of my school assemblies – a tiny hole in the ship can make it sink. Similarly, when you relate that tiny hole to the unfavourable thoughts in your mind your capacity to grow and think beyond the boundaries starts sinking. Your growth gets stagnant. Explore more with the attitude that Yes! Come what may I will get things through! I will get things done!
Here is one more beautiful illustration that was narrated by our value education teacher when we were in primary school – She asked us to do this experiment at home and write down our observations. Take boiling water in two tins – to one you add an egg and to the other you boil in a potato!
Many students had their observations. But the main learning here was – the external environment for both was same but ultimately one became hard and the other became soft ready to mushed. Not that the one which was hard was better and other was not – both were ready to be served, both were rightly ready in their way. The key observation was the reaction to the outside factors
It is all about the way we react to the environment. Situations might be same for two different people but the reaction to that decides where will you land to. Both might choose a different path and both might be right on their choices. It is all within you that you need for what you want to achieve!
Trust yourself! You can do wonders to yourself. Think rightly and you will be astonished to see the beautiful changes around you.
Dad always says this to me – Have the ability to see magic and enjoy in every small thing! He finds thrill and excitement in the most ordinary events and happenings be it as small as watering the plants or cleaning the veranda!
Thinking on this, I came to some beautiful thoughts which I am going to summarize here. In school times, we every one must have a memory of that one teacher who made even the boring subjects pretty interesting, we had a spark even after knowing the fact that particular teacher will be taking up the subject. Have you wondered why? It is simply because of the vibes a particular person creates. The enthusiasm that is radiated makes you be in their presence.
Never let yourself get dull. Let us make a habit to believe that we possess significant reserves of health, energy, endurance, goodness and so much more! Many people are paralyzed, not in their limbs but in their thoughts and for that we need to improvise our thought process. Affirm yourself that today is the day of opportunity.
Successful living may be measured by the extent of your enthusiastic participation in life. If you are mentally not satisfied of what you get never be satisfied regardless of the achievement – give in more, be more excited about new things, put yourself into it more! Satisfy your soul, rest all will be done rightly!
Summing up the summary!!
Do something everyday which makes your soul happy
Flush negativity out of your mind with enthusiasm and optimism
Take interest in smallest tasks deliberately till it becomes your natural way to live
We stay on this earth till we fulfill our purpose, said someone! I didn’t really follow it then but now with time I happened to understand the hidden meaning beyond the few words said at that time!
Few people come and go, few people come and stay forever, few keep coming and going like the seasons – and mark this – if you think thoughtfully – every person stepping or walking away had a reason for doing so!
Some teach you lessons for life time! Some simply come to color your life temporarily! During the journey all we got to take is – learn the good from every person who steps in your life. God sends and removes some people because he has his plans ready for you! Because he knows that few things can not be read and adapted! Few things need to be practically faced and understood
And equally – you too step to people’s life sometimes to better yourself and sometimes to let them get better at their end! The problem in this entire journey arises when we get attached to people who don’t stay back! People whom we hold as forever whereas God actually planned their presence as guest appearances in life! Now it’s us who need to understand that their role in our life was fulfilled and so they had to take an exit! We can not hold back on anyone in overtime! All we can do is appreciate the good things learnt and let go of the attachment!
Detachment is really important with the right person at the right time in order to keep things sorted at both ends! If that same person has yet some unfinished job in your life – he will peep back until then there’s a line drawn! People who are meant to stay back will be there no matter what! They will be there – maybe not in good times but in bad times – they will make their way – if not they – trust the universe it will make a way for the reunion!
Sometimes just trust the time – it will lead you rightly! Just trust the process because at the end before you leave the equation of life will be balanced! Trust your own vibes. Trust the surroundings – if it’s meant to be the universe will help you in it – every bit of dust and every morning sun ray will work for you!!
When we love someone dearly – in the process of falling in love with someone we forget that we need to love ourselves as well! We get so much into someone that we tend to forget that the other person might leave as well and person who will be there by us left broken and shattered will be our very own self.
I am not at all with the view that don’t fall in love – not at all – fall in love, get bruised, fight, argue love and love again – it is the most wonderful feeling ever one can feel off – but in the journey don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Don’t forget the fact that even if you give in your 100% it isn’t necessary that things work as you dream – there can be number of situations for where you may have to part – be it for your career, be it for your family, be it anything!
But when you get attached to someone more then yourself the harm you cause is you start feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, you start feeling incomplete in your own presence. Understand yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself first.
Because end of all the only person to accompany you in all phases is yourself – carry something good from every phase and respect your own self.
It was a rainy morning and Sara was on her way to an interview, well prepared and well-dressed believing in her own self to get the job and enter the corporate sector! Hard working she was and now she wanted to fly and this was the gateway. She reached the interview place where she went through rounds of interviews, giving her best shot and there she goes – she was selected. Little did she knew that she had just stepped her first step to the most beautiful phase peeping with so many smiles and happiness in her life! She got another offer to join a recruiting firm in the HR department. Sara – thought over for a while and she finally accepted the second offer to join in the recruiting firm. Happy as always, she joined a little later than the appointment letter date and was set to open her wings to touch the sky! There she met a guy named Amit, more of a senior who was the team leader – a handsome young guy but then still a formal relationship and so started a new journey for this innocent bubbly girl. Sara, was learning new things every single day, every day seemed more of a blessing to explore the white collared people. Looking at the spark in her she was spot by Amit and he insisted on to the directors that he would love to make Sara a part of his team. And so be it, Amit being one of the most trusted employees of the entity was allowed to choose Sara to be a part of his team.
Everything seemed so new and all on track till the day when Sara took an unplanned leave and Oops!! The beautiful dream of everything being so smooth just broke! And there she was fired by the directors! Sara was all shattered, sitting all alone with her tears in the corner of the cabin she had cried buckets and that had no effect on any of the staff people. And the most unexpected happened – her team leader hiding it all from the senior officials got her tissue papers kept in between the note pad so that no one could see it consoled her. He further took a step and once again asked the directors to let Sara a second chance. And history repeated – Sara was given a second chance. This girl was happier than happiest! She found herself lucky enough to have such a senior and could not thank him enough. Gradually they both became good friends and further the friendship extended to meetings after office hours as well but only as casual friends. Sara of course owed Amit for not getting fired. As the formal talks ended, they realized that they had many mutual friends in common, out of which one was the girl whom Amit had a crush on! And SPOT ON! Girls who are good friends can sense the liking of their guy friends easily… So did happen here, Sara deciphered that Amit liked a girl and so she put herself on the Mission to get close to that girl and make things happen for Amit! She started arranging ice cream dates for both of them expecting “A LOT CAN HAPPEN OVER AN ICE CREAM” But then may be destiny had something else written for them. The wait before the date started seemed more interesting than the date itself! The after and before time of the date was waited and prepared for more than the date itself! They liked each other’s company and hardly did they realized that now the ice cream dates had turned to coffee dates where the only people to be meeting were both of them! It was clearly evident that there is something cooking up in their hearts when they went to a local fair, she had again planned the evening in a way where she called up Amit’s crush to the fair so that they could spend some time together and may be the story moves further! She came all decently dressed without any intention to catch anyone’s eye, but then Amit had to skip a beat, his eyes caught him in a way that they just got locked on Sara. He was sitting in a merry-go-round with the girl, he once said he had a crush on! And his eyes moved towards Sara who was in some other ride. In the huge crowd out in the fair, so much of chaos, everyone yelling from one corner to the other they both could manage to find peace and smiles in each other’s eyes. But still they hadn’t yet realized the change. They liked working long hours at office so that they could be with each other. They started sharing the unsaid things. They started reading the unspoken words. They started feeling something different which was beautiful enough and still none of them could express that!
The team leader never favoured but yeah Amit helped Sara with big projects by staying up late. The steaming coffees from coffee machine would steam up the conversations after office where topics ranged from professional to personal to darkest secrets! And still they didn’t realize that they were something more than friends! Amit wasn’t shy but he wasn’t sure and Sara wasn’t shy but she did see the changes happening!
The corporate sector was teaching Sara new tricks every day, it was training her to be competitive every single minute and she loved to prove herself in the race. She changed roles from most junior position to all promotions in the hierarchy, she trained herself to be an all rounder in whatever task she was assigned to. Though this was what her career and her dreams moulded her to, her heart also moulded her to be a caretaker, a nurse and constant alarm clock reminding Amit to take his medicines on time. It so happened that Amit caught a viral which really took a toll on his health. Being the head, he really couldn’t afford taking leaves (even medical leaves, because he too was much a professional when it came to his career) and so he carried his medicines to his desk. High in fever and still had not a single off beat mode while throwing a presentation to his team. But then now there was someone who could read his eyes, who can understand the real pain behind every “I am fine, just a little viral” and that made Sara a nurse as well, without fail there was medicines kept out on the desk at scheduled times, water was boiled and given, on every of his “I will manage” Sara took up the tasks assigned to Amit and helped him as far as possible. Within a week, Amit did recover but then there was something that was changing. Friends had now grown up to be best friends! To be the best task timers to each other, motivating each other to grow in every sense!
They could feel so many feelings! Both had a thousand words to say! They wanted to express! They wanted to hold back each other and say but then things weren’t falling right way! Till the day which may be had only made its place in the calendar for them came – Sara was planning for a weekend with her siblings to a beach and the plans had to be shared with Amit. (after all he was more of her human diary to her). Amit agreed to drop Sara the other day where Sara’s siblings were planning to meet! And the ice in them finally broke! One of them approached with enough guts, a fear as well and a joy as well! They finally decided to take a stand on the proposal once Sara is back from her weekend. Sara went on to the trip. She enjoyed herself. The night before returning she just got drunk, a little extra, more then something what was normal. She had simply lost her senses and had no consciousness of the situations, the drinks simply hallucinated her, her eyes had flash backs of the office coffees, the shy smile of hers when accidentally Amit’s hand touched her hand during a presentation, she could recollect the eye contact they had in fair, she could remember the proposal where the stand was yet to be taken, she was over loaded with all the memories, she could realize the way she cared for him even for the slightest cold he caught, and the way he handled things with directors when any assignment given to her took a little longer then expected. The cold breeze and the camp fire along the beach side were just adding fuel to these thoughts, she got up, picked up Vodka bottle and tried walking with her baby steps which weren’t even supporting her to walk in the direction she wants to. She collided in the soft sand, where the waves were touching her feet, as if playing with her and trying to be naughty with her. She pushed her hand right in the pocket and pulled her cell out. Struggling to open up the screen lock she somehow managed to call up Amit. On the other side, Amit received the call in a go, after all the fragrance of love was throwing its magic back here in Pune as well. Though Amit was physically lying on his bed, he had pulled up his blanket nearly 10 times after himself throwing it down. Both hearts were restless. One was struggling for its peace near the beach side and the other found peace when he saw his screen blink in the mid night. It flashed – SARA CALLING and not to his surprise his heart danced, his hands vibrated and his eyes were finally ending the unrest. He just pounced out from his bed, walked towards the terrace, receiving the call and finally when he heard Sara call him with his name “Hello Amit,” and his heart which was throbbing at a speed higher than a racing bike now calmed its pace! “Yes Sara,” he answered. She spoke and he just heard. The night changed the days, it changed their lives.
Next day, Sara left to Pune, as decided they were supposed to meet at the café in the evening. And today, Sara dressed up, not because she was going out, but because she was gonna see Amit! She didn’t even recollect what all she spoke a night before but yeah; she did realize that it was something which her heart wanted! Something which she was happy with! She was ready to meet Amit! And on the other hand, Amit too was excited, the words Sara said the previous night made him so very comfortable with the situation! They met, even before anything, their eyes could peep in all the thousand thoughts both of them had. They were of course gonna have some serious talks, because they weren’t planning for some teenage affair! Things were serious enough! They spoke through words and even more through eyes! They framed in to each other the ground realities – The Love Story if allowed to bloom was gonna bloom in the garden of diverse cultures of India! The story was not just another typical Romeo-Juliet types! It was all about the cultural differences in the Hindu traditional Family and a Christian Family! It was a Desi Munda who had lost his heart for this beautiful young girl! Where one bowed down in front of elders the other bowed her head only in Church! Where he came from a culture where even the “Mummy k chachi k bete k biwi ki Chacheri Behen” was not too far relation and she had her entire world in her parents! But then love doesn’t understand all this! It just happens! It just connects and when it matches the right frequency it finds its own way to make its survival! When its meant to be – it will be! And Amit held Sara’s hand where both weren’t sure about life commitments at the start! They hadn’t planned anything even for 2 years from now stuff! 23rd of June 2017 – they just dreamt of a beautiful story. They just got themselves on a journey not knowing how long were they gonna travel, not knowing what was their destination. Because they had left it on their hearts! They had asked destiny to decide for them!
They started dating officially! Now Sara, stepped to Amit’s cubicle with a sense of entering her own territory where a part of her was sitting! Things weren’t smooth for them. Though the start was sweet enough. They gradually started having differences in them – they had trust issues, they had arguments, they had fights! Office at times became more of a punishment! The brewing hot coffee from the coffee machine which once stimulated their talks now added steam to their anger! And done! They decided to part off! Unknown of the fact was it a full stop or was is it comma of their love story! They just ended it all! The tough desi munda had tears in his eyes before ending the talks and leaving! And Sara, had this so close to her heart. Because no one ever made saying “BYE” so difficult! Amit was in tears! And so was Sara! They both got reconnected! The tears took their own justice in their own swag! The story was given a second chance by both of them!
And yes! It was worth!! They made it to its best! Then was the day where they had met to decide things for one last time and end it all! And now is the day that every time they meet it is a new planning for a better future! The story faced many ups and downs! Where Sara was depressed, she felt no hopes because of reasons undisclosed but then every time she felt herself alone, there came her support system to stand by her, divide her every tear and multiply her ever smile! He stood by her like a shield when life turned her down and this same guy at times also becomes the cutest baby as small as 3-4 years old kid who will sit quietly in front of Sara, with hands folded and eyes closed and Sara will do the grooming part like his personalized make-up girl! They both fight like cats and bound back like best friends! They dance their every success and stand back together like the phoenix bird! They redefine love!
Sara – who only celebrated Christmas now has so much to shop for on Diwalis as well! And Amit for whom Christmas only meant Santa and cakes -now understands the all-night carols and prayers! The okay-okay hindi of Sara now had words like “AAP and HUM” and rowdy English of Amit had a decent enough accent! Sara’s parents did have a problem with their inter-religion love but then seeing their daughter smile, they too were satisfied that Amit can be the “MOST ELIGIBLE GUY”
This beautiful coupe fighting all odds has finally decided to tie a knot on 31st October 2021! May you guys be blessed with all you dream for!
Nowadays due to jobs, career, education or some or the other reason we have to distance from our families at quite an early age! And once we step of the house maximum is the case that you only return back on functions or occasions and with time that too vanishes!
Joint family is being like rarest scenarios in today’s era! Just tried why joint families are not preferred – simple reasons being – youngsters of our generation need freedom, privacy and hate being monitored!
But these are just a few points where we focus on and tend to forget the benefits or rather the perks of staying in a joint family! Perks are as many as you count. Highlighting a few – a mental support – COVID has tested our mental strength at its peak! And most of the nuclear families did choose going back to hometowns – why – simple reason – family makes you stronger, it makes you believe in yourself when you lose hopes! Family stands by you when your shadow too choses to leave your side!
Feeling of being responsible and answerable to our elders – even the feeling of your father/mother being back at home makes you a little more responsible to be with your family on weekends, to be there at home on time, to shut your system and spend quality time with the kids of family! Decisions taken by youth are hard and fast – many a times we lack patience and calmness in deciding for a situation which can be guided well by the elders as they have seen a little more of world and worldly things than us! We as youth tend to splurge on things which are scrapped within a month whereas the same luxuries can be availed from available things at home!
Children born in nuclear family where both parents have their corporate lifestyles – are either brought up in creche or somewhere where supervision lacks love and warmth every child deserves. Whereas grandparents back at home face loneliness in their retired life – when these two ends meet – they make a better life – kids enjoy their childhood under the shelter of family and are brought up with values. Though working parents try making their best possible way out to train their kids but ultimately time is their constraint which gradually makes one parent compromise their career – and easiest solution being joint family – where kids are constantly attended by some one or the other and grandparents are taken care of with their health as well as. The retired age being the time they just need love, affection and respect is also paid heed to.
And lastly though not of prime importance but yes it does matter – We do have upper hand on financial terms as well – Something described as economies of scale – Two different set ups for sure is costlier than a single set up for two families. Expenses being shared (as simple as rent being shared by two brothers surely saves huge cost then two brothers staying in different apartments in same city) and labour being divided joint family does make your off days a little lighter.
There can be unavoidable situations where we travel far from families but there must be something which does call you back to your origin – where your heart longs to celebrate smallest victory with your parents and share biggest failures and have strength to stand back more stronger!
Of course, there can be arguments that there is no individual space or there is no privacy but then like we as children have evolved many of the families do have parents who themselves take initiatives to make sure that their daughters and daughters-in-law peacefully work and build their careers! Many have set examples where girls have completed their education post marriage and give credits to the support received from their in-laws. So with modernization in all matters – let us just broaden our horizons of joint family concept – where parents are being a little more open to accept the work culture of their children (be it the son or daughter or even daughter-in-law for that matter) and children being a little tolerant to parents at times when they become to instructive, where parents are little more welcoming to include every person before deciding matters of family and children are matured enough to understand the thought process of parents’ decision
After all – everything is a two-way process – the more love and care you give the more affection and respect you receive. The more you tend to understand someone the more other person tends to explain reasons!
I would just conclude by – “No Family is perfect, every family argues, they fight, they cry but the essence of love and bond is felt when the tears are wiped with sensitivity and arguments are calmed with pure hugs, no family has only ups the real bonds are tested when there are downfalls, when your brother stands by you in storms and sisters cook on your smallest victory, where you celebrate your wife’s first job with home-cooked lunch specially made by the in-laws and the ice cream party with her first salary and your child’s first trophy is flaunted by his grandparents on their whatsapp friends’ group!
It’s the smallest happiness which turns to delicious evenings and loads of memories when family stays together! Joint families are no more the old-school types where daughters aren’t a part of discussions and daughters’-in-law aren’t allowed to step out of the house. Weekend evenings are fast turning to dining table conferences where women head the table and men cook food [though kitchen are made messy but then that’s okay ;)], where the small terrace gardens are cared with full family and kitchens are cleaned by kids. Yes – joint families are changing on a very positive note!
Success isn’t just about achieving things rightly – but it is also about the journey you went through! You will always cherish those achievements which were more of a challenge rather than the ones which came placed in your plate! To the ones with huge dreams – hard work isn’t an issue – but sometimes all you need is a little push to grow better, to think healthy and to get up and press the restart button!