The Joint Family System

Nowadays due to jobs, career, education or some or the other reason we have to distance from our families at quite an early age! And once we step of the house maximum is the case that you only return back on functions or occasions and with time that too vanishes!

Joint family is being like rarest scenarios in today’s era! Just tried why joint families are not preferred – simple reasons being – youngsters of our generation need freedom, privacy and hate being monitored!

But these are just a few points where we focus on and tend to forget the benefits or rather the perks of staying in a joint family! Perks are as many as you count. Highlighting a few – a mental support – COVID has tested our mental strength at its peak! And most of the nuclear families did choose going back to hometowns – why – simple reason – family makes you stronger, it makes you believe in yourself when you lose hopes! Family stands by you when your shadow too choses to leave your side!

Feeling of being responsible and answerable to our elders – even the feeling of your father/mother being back at home makes you a little more responsible to be with your family on weekends, to be there at home on time, to shut your system and spend quality time with the kids of family! Decisions taken by youth are hard and fast – many a times we lack patience and calmness in deciding for a situation which can be guided well by the elders as they have seen a little more of world and worldly things than us! We as youth tend to splurge on things which are scrapped within a month whereas the same luxuries can be availed from available things at home!

Children born in nuclear family where both parents have their corporate lifestyles – are either brought up in creche or somewhere where supervision lacks love and warmth every child deserves. Whereas grandparents back at home face loneliness in their retired life – when these two ends meet – they make a better life – kids enjoy their childhood under the shelter of family and are brought up with values. Though working parents try making their best possible way out to train their kids but ultimately time is their constraint which gradually makes one parent compromise their career – and easiest solution being joint family – where kids are constantly attended by some one or the other and grandparents are taken care of with their health as well as. The retired age being the time they just need love, affection and respect is also paid heed to.

And lastly though not of prime importance but yes it does matter – We do have upper hand on financial terms as well – Something described as economies of scale – Two different set ups for sure is costlier than a single set up for two families. Expenses being shared (as simple as rent being shared by two brothers surely saves huge cost then two brothers staying in different apartments in same city) and labour being divided joint family does make your off days a little lighter.

There can be unavoidable situations where we travel far from families but there must be something which does call you back to your origin – where your heart longs to celebrate smallest victory with your parents and share biggest failures and have strength to stand back more stronger!

Of course, there can be arguments that there is no individual space or there is no privacy but then like we as children have evolved many of the families do have parents who themselves take initiatives to make sure that their daughters and daughters-in-law peacefully work and build their careers! Many have set examples where girls have completed their education post marriage and give credits to the support received from their in-laws. So with modernization in all matters – let us just broaden our horizons of joint family concept – where parents are being a little more open to accept the work culture of their children (be it the son or daughter or even daughter-in-law for that matter) and children being a little tolerant to parents at times when they become to instructive, where parents are little more welcoming to include every person before deciding matters of family and children are matured enough to understand the thought process of parents’ decision

After all – everything is a two-way process – the more love and care you give the more affection and respect you receive. The more you tend to understand someone the more other person tends to explain reasons!

I would just conclude by – “No Family is perfect, every family argues, they fight, they cry but the essence of love and bond is felt when the tears are wiped with sensitivity and arguments are calmed with pure hugs, no family has only ups the real bonds are tested when there are downfalls, when your brother stands by you in storms and sisters cook on your smallest victory, where you celebrate your wife’s first job with home-cooked lunch specially made by the in-laws and the ice cream party with her first salary and your child’s first trophy is flaunted by his grandparents on their whatsapp friends’ group!

It’s the smallest happiness which turns to delicious evenings and loads of memories when family stays together! Joint families are no more the old-school types where daughters aren’t a part of discussions and daughters’-in-law aren’t allowed to step out of the house. Weekend evenings are fast turning to dining table conferences where women head the table and men cook food [though kitchen are made messy but then that’s okay ;)], where the small terrace gardens are cared with full family and kitchens are cleaned by kids. Yes – joint families are changing on a very positive note!

#Smile and Spread Smiles

Failures – Part and Parcel of life

You will fail, you will fall

But never forget to rise over this all

You will stumble, you will feel lost

But remaining there will have a huge cost

You can pull yourself from dust to stars

You are the one who can flaunt your scars

Everyone fails – some openly and some in secret

All you need to remind is – make yourself sweat

Sweat a little more in your dream’s desire

Burn yourself a little more in that burning fire

You will be through all of it!

Success isn’t just about achieving things rightly – but it is also about the journey you went through! You will always cherish those achievements which were more of a challenge rather than the ones which came placed in your plate! To the ones with huge dreams – hard work isn’t an issue – but sometimes all you need is a little push to grow better, to think healthy and to get up and press the restart button!

5 By 5 Rule

What is 5 by 5 rule??

Best thing I did in the lockdown….

How much does it matter to when others give their opinion to you, how much do you keep thinking when others say something to you…? Definitely a lot. This is what I feel we are growing into

The 5-minute argument with our colleagues, parents, friends, partner, or anyone for that matter disturbs us the whole day.

Whyyyyyy???

So, here’s the solution to it. Its natural human tendency to keep thinking when others opinion doesn’t match with ours. But its okay right. You aren’t here to please everyone. there will be a difference of opinion when you do something new.

So, what is the 5by5 rule, all of you must be thinking about it till now

It is simple but will surely be a difficult one to inculcate. the more you start using it will seem easy one then

Are the arguments that you have with someone matter you in the next 5 years, if no then it simply doesn’t deserve your 5-minute attention and energy that you waste today. Quit worrying about things.

Lemme explain it to you with an example, let’s go backwards and think about life, what do you remember in the past, I bet it would be the most significant events and not everything. so, taking another example we recently build a new house and every day the contractor would come with some new reasons to not show up to our place and somehow avoid completing the construction. There was nothing we could do about it. The more we discussed in the house the huger they seemed to us. So, we finally just stopped discussing about them. Coz was that going to matter to me in the next five years, was it even worth wasting our energy onto it. That’s how easy it was. It really astonishes me how little a problem becomes when you start thinking with a perspective of the future

Of course, there are big things and tragedies that we can’t forget in a span of 5 minutes, but this rule is for the little things we stress upon almost every other day.

Definitely many of you might think I’m too small to speak up to all these things but why not learn these things at a tender age so that people don’t need to use the terms like depression, loneliness, anxiety much often.

I hope I impact lives of at least 5 and not many. And the rule stays with you forever, I’m sure it will work magical for you too.

You can check out the same in Video!!!

Relationships!!

Relationships! Can be friendships, love affairs or just any sort of emotional attachment which once seemed the most prefect thing for you and is now not! And you feel like a failure, it feels like we just wasted our time, energy, resources behind something which never meant to be forever and that creates issues where we find ourselves under sort of liability like “Oh my God, what has happened to my life”

Why do we have these failures – on deep thought it is because we have made our relationships too easy to go and fragile, we have started finding options much easily than before. We aren’t strong enough to work on our own flaws and prefer walking out of situations which genuinely need time and efforts to be sorted when things get cringey. Just received a message “Hey Esha, I don’t want to continue with my girl anymore because I doubt, she doesn’t have the same spark for me!…….” Brother, come on, how can you just walk out over a doubt. Have a decency to talk and sort then to just keep running off the situations. If you keep a habit to talk over your problems, you will for sure realize that half of the issues are created by our own assumptions and misunderstandings.

Going to the other extremes – When you both have decided to end a relationship, many a times it so happens that while taking the decision both are just so very particular and sound sorted like “It is fine, things did not work and so we have parted off our ways” I wonder what happens the minute you see your best friend or someone close to you, people start back bitching about the same person who was once their sunshine according to the Instagram captions! Don’t you think that when you talk ill about someone you develop negativity in you, you look more towards the darker side than the brighter side. No one has special relationships without being felt special, may be things haven’t been the same as you thought, so it is just okay to walk apart. Every person walking in your life teaches you something good which moulds you to better human than before, you can be thankful to that and go ahead. And yet another point I would like to highlight – As a third person as well – never comment on anyone’s personal life, have your opinions but don’t try brainwashing someone else to prove that what you feel is right.

Guys it is really okay to leave a bond how so ever long but don’t forget the maturity, don’t forget that though things are not fine now, there was a time when you were your best together – you laughed, you hanged out, you rejoiced your success, you cried your failures together. Just because now you can not work it out doesn’t mean all of it was fake. Be sensitive to your own emotions that you shared your best times with the opposite person somewhere in the past!

Down the line, it will be awkward when you see the person happy and you are not – Accept it that you are taking time to come out and the other one has pulled oneself out taking efforts on his own self. Just because he is happy doesn’t mean he cheated. In fact, take it as an inspiration that if he can, even you can come out – I highlight – I said inspiration and not revenge – He is fine I can also show I am fine and go out to parties even when you yourself deep down know that you aren’t what you are showing. Let there really be no show off – No yaar, not at least to your own self. When you stand across the mirror you must feel your smile is real and not the fake one!

Guys, you need not google out – how to come over a relationship failure. It is all within – you yourself know what works best for you, you know how you have got to train your brain to think rightly in your favor for your betterment. It is really fine to take time to heal but not okay to sit at one place doing nothing for yourself and expecting some one else comes for your rescue. Be your own pathfinder!

Do write back about is this helping you in comments section or ping me or just drop mail on letsendthestigma1@gmail.com. I would be glad to hear from you.

boy and girl sitting on bench toy
Photo by JN Channel on Pexels.com

 

End the Stigma

Sushant Singh Rajput!! A name in the industry which had no GODFATHER! He made his own place and he made his own name! It was something like HE CAME, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED (OUR HEARTS)!!

And then out of nowhere, a Sunday afternoon comes up a pop up! Sushant Singh Rajput hangs himself at his Bandra residence! He had money – so there were no financial crunches which means money was not an issue, he had fame – that too wasn’t the concern, people loved him – that too didn’t bother! What mattered was – in spite of all of the riches he was unfit – NOT PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY! A topic much ignored and overrated to be fools thing to talk over this! How many of you face stress and are ashamed to accept that yes you need help! Come on Yaar!! We are humans not machines!

The difference in us and robots is just that we can feel things! Can we be a little sensitive when we open our mouth to criticise others and can we be a little open to accept that yes!! We do face mental stress!! And it is OKAY to say that you can not take it anymore! That doesn’t make you a weak or coward human! Accepting your flaws is the art to live happy – let’s do that!!

Here is an open help to all of you there who are struggling to speak to someone! You won’t be judged because there will be no direct communication! You won’t be criticised because here you will be talking to just a better version of yourself! You can feel free to simply drop your problems and issues on this Mail ID – letsendthestigma1@gmail.com!  

We will be speaking over this in the upcoming few blogs! Stay connected and share your problems!

Its better to talk to some one and solve each other’s problems rather than simple crying on funeral and wishing that you could be a help! ACT WISELY! ACT NOW!

Self Analysis

I was confused! I was self-analyzing my own steps and thoughts and decisions taken in the past! Was it because of the isolation in lock-down or was is it a result of a deep conversation!? Well the process was memorable to start from the pen and paper jotting down things and thinking over each of the word given as an advice to now where I could find path which can be walked well!

Writing down a few maybe it helps you as well!

  1. Every age has some rights and some obligations! – A deep line which if given a thought can cut your thinking and corresponding actions as sharp as sword the sword. When a student you have the right to ask for academic help but then you also have an obligation to produce results. In childhood if you have a right to be free of tensions and burdens you have an obligation to keep that childishness alive in you! You cannot skip the bar and mix two ages’ rights and obligations – because that’s the time where you create heavy blunders for your own future.

 

  1. Compromise is a compromise till you make it feel the same – If you think on the dilemmas or issues having solutions contradicting your wishes in a way to accept it whole heartedly with a mutual agreement it isn’t a compromise, instead it will be a promise to yourself to stay happy with decisions taken in self-interest!

 

  1. Thinking Substance over form – A language used probably in law has got a lot of relevance in real life as well! One cannot think about every scenario in a bookish manner. Like, if one thing is ideal in a specific way, it need not be the same in every circumstance, because the definition of ideal in every situation varies! Think more in substance then the formats.

 

  1. You cannot stay happy at cost of others cries –Though I always firmly believed in this, but it was highlighted again. Happiness is something that spreads, and how can you smile when the reason behind the smiles is a thousand tears and bad vibes. Rather it must be rule – that one should not build his own life, ruining 10 other people’s smiles. (I guess, Karma works here better)

 

  1. You cannot question your Parents! –The ones who walked with your small steps and held your fingers to make a better life at the cost of every sacrifice that was demanded by time – they cannot be wrong! Under them every problem finds its own solution. Rude at times but they are the only ones who will think for your benefit even if it takes a huge toll on them!

 

Can we be Indians first?!?

A strict disclaimer before you read this: I am not favoring Hinduism neither do I support Islam, I am not standing for Hindus neither am I with Muslims! I am an Indian and the pandemic has called for national unity and support!!

Independent India was free from chains of the Britishers but unfortunately, we got ourselves engulfed with a more severe form of slavery. When we were ruled by the English men, we were still one to fight against them under one single tag of “WE ARE INDIANS” We never fought for states or communities! India then was also a mixed culture of Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Jains and so many other castes and religions which we might even not know! The Indian heart then throbbed in a burkha as well as a gown, in a pagdi as well as saree! We were one and therefore the Britishers had to leave our country granting us freedom in 1947. The only thing they did before leaving was dividing people according to castes and religion! They always believed in divide and rule even when they ruled us and applied the same even when they left our country! The same Indian who once shed blood and sacrificed his family life for his Mother India are now fighting as Hindu and Muslims!

A salute to the Britishers who even after a more than 7 decades manage to keep differences in us! And we fool, fight like idiots! Don’t you stupid get this one bloody fact in mind that a handful of politicians who call themselves as representatives of people and other set of holy men who represent themselves as people of god are simply warming their hands on the riots and chaos caused by us within the country! The latest proof of how foolish we can be is the pandemic being named after a specific religion! What they did was wrong and rather I won’t like to comment on their acts be it the wrong behavior they did with the hospital staff in Ghaziabad, Uttar Pradesh or be it the irrational thinking to abscond from the hospitals! The things which are wrong are WRONG and there cannot be any justification for the same. But can we stop denoting them as a person from specific caste and tribe and simply designate them as a patient behaving irrationally, can it be as simple as this man has committed a crime and not this Hindu or Muslim has committed a crime!

High time for INDIANS to grow up! The pandemic of Corona Virus is a global concern, it hasn’t seen any caste, community, race, color, status or power – we need to be there for our country men. Let us stand as an Indian first and then fight hard and after that if we still have the energy let us put it in saving humanity. Being religious is different and being a blind follower is different! Have we ever asked that who has constructed the roads we walk on – A Hindu or Muslim? Do we question the source of blood and other organ donations as to who is the done – A Hindu or a Muslim? Do we ask the food we eat, who had grown it – A Hindu or Muslim? We are all inter dependant on each other, if one falls the other to will have a set back! Today when the country is shut down each and every one of needs a mental support, we need each other to talk to, to share with, to speak to. Let us learn to be tolerant to each other’s sentiments. Mistakes happen – some being grave and some being naïve but then when we rectify the mistakes let us not be partial to our community. Crime is a crime – committed by a HINDU OR MUSLIM! There stands no justification for someone’s wrongful acts!

All I wanna convey is let us be humans first! The entire human race is suffering from the same pain, let us stand for our people! Be Indian!! Be a Human!!

person holding sign

Letter from Indian Doctor

Hello Friends,

Being into this noble profession from nearly 26 years I have seen many ups and downs, I have enjoyed many perks in this profession – like being pampered by my family patients like a family member, being a part of their every personal problem as well as social gatherings, being respected and honoured in many of the social drives and on the darker phase I have also seen attacks on hospitals and doctors, but then yesterday (22/03/2020 – Janta Curfew Day) what I saw was something like never before!

The way citizens of India responded to the activity of applauding for all the working people was “ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME” experience for all of us! We as General Practioners are a small part of this contribution of fighting against CORONA but then still all those patients in my contact list who has always been supportive had so much gratitude to express – making me feel lucky and all worth of burning the midnight oil for all of you, answering the late night calls and opening the doors at 2:00 am as well!

I had all flashbacks reading your whatsapps (and none of them were forwarded!!) – the way a few of you have grown up in front of me, from the first cries to the first walks – I witnessed it all like a family member, the way you came running with your child when he fell from the bicycle, the way I have counselled younger generation to work for betterment, the times you shared your success stories with me and also came to me on an unexpected failure, the way a couples shared the typical “He doesn’t help me with household chores and She doesn’t cook food like my mother did” fights and the list has no end!

All your messages along with the videos and images of you clapping, ringing bells captioned in a way which read like – “Sir we clapped for you”, Doctor we are thankful to have you as a family”, You have been a part of our family since I was born and still with us when my baby is born”.

Trust me it feels overwhelmed, it feels more motivated to work for all of you. There are times when we do feel down, we feel helpless seeing the number of deaths but then acts like these make us feel that we are dealing with a greater responsibility and YES! We have to do it! Corona has to go back – we all are one and we will fight it back!

An Appeal to all my doctor friends – its very natural to feel unsecured in your regular OPDs to take care from this disastrous virus as not all of us have the safety primary kits with those surgical gowns and huge masks (and the thought that we too have a family back waiting for us) – but then try through your small efforts to help all those who need us, the society has given us abundantly – it is our time to stand for our people. I wont say open up your small dispensaries (because on a genuine note, small clinics do not have those huge facilities and more importantly the patients walking in are random and we are unaware of the travel history and other facts) but then be available for your extended families on calls where you can atleast guide them through these bad times. People have panicked and we can show the right way through! Your small efforts will surely contribute towards nation building!

Lastly, I am always there for all those who have always made me feel home, who have given my degree and my learnings a true meaning, who have shared all their good and bad times with me! We are all one and we will pull each other from this phase too!!

I also salute to all those fighters fighting their way through this epidemic be it the 5% people working in government offices to handle the load of the entire state, the nurses and ward boys who have been constantly working with us, the media people, the drivers, the police and entire Government – specially for the quick actions taken by our CM Shri Uddhav Thackeray, Health Minister Shri Rajesh Tope and our beloved PM Shri Narendra Modi.

We are working – you stay at home!!

 

Lots of love and thankfulness to all of you!!

From a “Responsible citizen to Another Responsible Citizen!!”

शिकायत

उन्होने कहा हमसे…

शिकायतों की भी अपनी इज्जत है…

यूँही नही किसी से भी की जाती है….

जवाब मैं हमने भी कह दिया उनसे…..

शिकायतें आज कल होती नहीं…

उम्मीदों पर जीते है की आगे भी होगी नही…

पर जिस दिन होगी…

कसम उस खुदा की…

अश्क़ हमारी आँखों से बहेंगे…

और दर्द आप सहेंगे…

Plan your plans

“Always be careful of where you run to. When the going gets tough, take it easy and slow down, else you venture into the den of lions.” Just wait and take time to observe what the nature has to tell you. Everything need not be perfectly as per your plan everytime but yeah you cannot blindly step into things without plan at any time!!! Before taking a giant leap just stop to notice that what and how the small steps taken will help you to stand out better and brighter. Take every step cautiously be it in terms of academics, social, personal or any other genre.

“Don’t ever step in the market unprepared and unplanned

Make it a point to give your best shot, with proper plan and preparations

You might be slow to reach your goal, but definitely you will stay there longer and stronger”