The Joint Family System

Nowadays due to jobs, career, education or some or the other reason we have to distance from our families at quite an early age! And once we step of the house maximum is the case that you only return back on functions or occasions and with time that too vanishes!

Joint family is being like rarest scenarios in today’s era! Just tried why joint families are not preferred – simple reasons being – youngsters of our generation need freedom, privacy and hate being monitored!

But these are just a few points where we focus on and tend to forget the benefits or rather the perks of staying in a joint family! Perks are as many as you count. Highlighting a few – a mental support – COVID has tested our mental strength at its peak! And most of the nuclear families did choose going back to hometowns – why – simple reason – family makes you stronger, it makes you believe in yourself when you lose hopes! Family stands by you when your shadow too choses to leave your side!

Feeling of being responsible and answerable to our elders – even the feeling of your father/mother being back at home makes you a little more responsible to be with your family on weekends, to be there at home on time, to shut your system and spend quality time with the kids of family! Decisions taken by youth are hard and fast – many a times we lack patience and calmness in deciding for a situation which can be guided well by the elders as they have seen a little more of world and worldly things than us! We as youth tend to splurge on things which are scrapped within a month whereas the same luxuries can be availed from available things at home!

Children born in nuclear family where both parents have their corporate lifestyles – are either brought up in creche or somewhere where supervision lacks love and warmth every child deserves. Whereas grandparents back at home face loneliness in their retired life – when these two ends meet – they make a better life – kids enjoy their childhood under the shelter of family and are brought up with values. Though working parents try making their best possible way out to train their kids but ultimately time is their constraint which gradually makes one parent compromise their career – and easiest solution being joint family – where kids are constantly attended by some one or the other and grandparents are taken care of with their health as well as. The retired age being the time they just need love, affection and respect is also paid heed to.

And lastly though not of prime importance but yes it does matter – We do have upper hand on financial terms as well – Something described as economies of scale – Two different set ups for sure is costlier than a single set up for two families. Expenses being shared (as simple as rent being shared by two brothers surely saves huge cost then two brothers staying in different apartments in same city) and labour being divided joint family does make your off days a little lighter.

There can be unavoidable situations where we travel far from families but there must be something which does call you back to your origin – where your heart longs to celebrate smallest victory with your parents and share biggest failures and have strength to stand back more stronger!

Of course, there can be arguments that there is no individual space or there is no privacy but then like we as children have evolved many of the families do have parents who themselves take initiatives to make sure that their daughters and daughters-in-law peacefully work and build their careers! Many have set examples where girls have completed their education post marriage and give credits to the support received from their in-laws. So with modernization in all matters – let us just broaden our horizons of joint family concept – where parents are being a little more open to accept the work culture of their children (be it the son or daughter or even daughter-in-law for that matter) and children being a little tolerant to parents at times when they become to instructive, where parents are little more welcoming to include every person before deciding matters of family and children are matured enough to understand the thought process of parents’ decision

After all – everything is a two-way process – the more love and care you give the more affection and respect you receive. The more you tend to understand someone the more other person tends to explain reasons!

I would just conclude by – “No Family is perfect, every family argues, they fight, they cry but the essence of love and bond is felt when the tears are wiped with sensitivity and arguments are calmed with pure hugs, no family has only ups the real bonds are tested when there are downfalls, when your brother stands by you in storms and sisters cook on your smallest victory, where you celebrate your wife’s first job with home-cooked lunch specially made by the in-laws and the ice cream party with her first salary and your child’s first trophy is flaunted by his grandparents on their whatsapp friends’ group!

It’s the smallest happiness which turns to delicious evenings and loads of memories when family stays together! Joint families are no more the old-school types where daughters aren’t a part of discussions and daughters’-in-law aren’t allowed to step out of the house. Weekend evenings are fast turning to dining table conferences where women head the table and men cook food [though kitchen are made messy but then that’s okay ;)], where the small terrace gardens are cared with full family and kitchens are cleaned by kids. Yes – joint families are changing on a very positive note!

#Smile and Spread Smiles

Can we be Indians first?!?

A strict disclaimer before you read this: I am not favoring Hinduism neither do I support Islam, I am not standing for Hindus neither am I with Muslims! I am an Indian and the pandemic has called for national unity and support!!

Independent India was free from chains of the Britishers but unfortunately, we got ourselves engulfed with a more severe form of slavery. When we were ruled by the English men, we were still one to fight against them under one single tag of “WE ARE INDIANS” We never fought for states or communities! India then was also a mixed culture of Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Jains and so many other castes and religions which we might even not know! The Indian heart then throbbed in a burkha as well as a gown, in a pagdi as well as saree! We were one and therefore the Britishers had to leave our country granting us freedom in 1947. The only thing they did before leaving was dividing people according to castes and religion! They always believed in divide and rule even when they ruled us and applied the same even when they left our country! The same Indian who once shed blood and sacrificed his family life for his Mother India are now fighting as Hindu and Muslims!

A salute to the Britishers who even after a more than 7 decades manage to keep differences in us! And we fool, fight like idiots! Don’t you stupid get this one bloody fact in mind that a handful of politicians who call themselves as representatives of people and other set of holy men who represent themselves as people of god are simply warming their hands on the riots and chaos caused by us within the country! The latest proof of how foolish we can be is the pandemic being named after a specific religion! What they did was wrong and rather I won’t like to comment on their acts be it the wrong behavior they did with the hospital staff in Ghaziabad, Uttar Pradesh or be it the irrational thinking to abscond from the hospitals! The things which are wrong are WRONG and there cannot be any justification for the same. But can we stop denoting them as a person from specific caste and tribe and simply designate them as a patient behaving irrationally, can it be as simple as this man has committed a crime and not this Hindu or Muslim has committed a crime!

High time for INDIANS to grow up! The pandemic of Corona Virus is a global concern, it hasn’t seen any caste, community, race, color, status or power – we need to be there for our country men. Let us stand as an Indian first and then fight hard and after that if we still have the energy let us put it in saving humanity. Being religious is different and being a blind follower is different! Have we ever asked that who has constructed the roads we walk on – A Hindu or Muslim? Do we question the source of blood and other organ donations as to who is the done – A Hindu or a Muslim? Do we ask the food we eat, who had grown it – A Hindu or Muslim? We are all inter dependant on each other, if one falls the other to will have a set back! Today when the country is shut down each and every one of needs a mental support, we need each other to talk to, to share with, to speak to. Let us learn to be tolerant to each other’s sentiments. Mistakes happen – some being grave and some being naïve but then when we rectify the mistakes let us not be partial to our community. Crime is a crime – committed by a HINDU OR MUSLIM! There stands no justification for someone’s wrongful acts!

All I wanna convey is let us be humans first! The entire human race is suffering from the same pain, let us stand for our people! Be Indian!! Be a Human!!

person holding sign